Flash Fiction

On one of the practice AP tests we took in AP Lit this year, there was a short piece of fiction about a man and wife at a restaurant on his birthday. I can't find it (I don't remember the title or author) but I remember being impressed that an entire story was told in a paragraph or two.

Melody told me a story about an incident that she witnessed while driving in Hollister, and I was inspired to, with her help, turn it into a short, short story. Tell me what you think. Is there any thing you would add or take out?

Runaway

It was an unusual chase scene, to say the least. The heavyset woman ran down the road as quickly as she could. She was so out of shape, however, that she ran at the pace of an average person walking quickly. Luckily for her, the man pursuing her was also overweight, though he puttered after her with admirable determination. His thin braided ponytail of greasy black hair thumped on the back of his sweaty white t-shirt as he followed.

“Sharon,” he yelled, “Come back, please!”

“No! I told you, I won’t come back!” Sharon said as she glanced over her shoulder. The oppressive heat had made her curly dark blond hair even more frizzy than usual. “I’m sick and tired of coming back and trying again.”

Their words came out in sputtering but vehement gasps. One got the feeling that this was a habitual occurrence.

“Try to be reasonable,” he said. “Let’s be rational and talk about this. I’ll try to understand!”

“I don’t want to talk anymore! You won’t convince me to come back again,” said Sharon. “This time I’m leaving you for good, Juan!” To punctuate her statement, she put even more effort into running, and began to wheeze from the exertion.

“No you won’t. You know you won’t!” Juan continued doggedly.

The outcome of this repeated conflict was clear; one was only left to wonder who would tire first.